Today is the 3rd day of our retreat. This morning Rose Mary Doughtery guided us through thoughts concerning the intersection between Scripture and Prayer. What a remarkably gentle and thoughtful person, not to mention her subtle sense of humor. It was a quiet morning of listening; first to Rose Mary and then to Matthew 5:8.
After presenting a number of ideas Rose Mary sent us out to practice Lectio Divina with a passage of our choosing. I have been living with Mt 5:8, “Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God” for about a month, since my backpacking trip in Dec. At first it was hard to quite my spirit and my mind. I was receiving the spiritual practice as another task to occupy me. After a few minutes of my mind and heart wandering around this Beatitude came to me as a chant. I began silently chanting this in my heart, over and over. I found that it settled my frazzled-ness and helped me focus, like a centering prayer. Like watching the wind gently move a flower over and over, I felt like this chant was gently taking me back to the same place over and over and yet it was not boring or didn’t feel repetitive. After some time it occured to me that Jesus’ words sounded like they were for someone else and I needed to hear him speaking them to me. As soon as that thought occured to me, I realized how that would come out and I hesitated. I was not sure I wanted to allow myself to utter such words, “Blessed am I, pure of heart for I will see God.” But, I didn’t know what else to do so I slowly allowed my heart to form those words. Soon they became a chant. The more I chanted them, the more right they sounded.
Is that how Jesus feels about me? Does he see me as pure in heart? Am I the one who cannot see it? My fear is that these questions would reveal an arrogance in my, yet I don’t feel as if they are spoken in arrogance.
Lord Jesus, give me peace about how you see me. By your sacrifice may I, in fact, BE pure in heart.
